Today is the last day of June. Thank God I’ve mustered all my willpower to finally write a blog post (yes, to keep up my promise of updating at least once a month, which is imho very hard to do lmao) at 2 freaking am in the morning.
A lot of life updates here, y’all.
1 month has passed by quickly, and there are a lot of things I can’t wait to tell you.
First was camp. It was my last camp in JPCC Youth, of course I still could attend but probably as a volunteer since I graduated this year. God gave me so many big chances: I stood as an MC, sang, became the house captain, shoot videos and lastly, preached for five minutes. God’s grace has shown to be very true since I didn’t really prepare much for my “five minutes preaching“, like literally writing it two days before camp when you are given three weeks deadline. I ended up having trouble sleeping for two nights at camp and kept on changing the drafts, even until the very end. I got so little sleep that I ended up oversleeping thus missing the youth battle moments. But still, not really regretting it since I wasn’t that excited. HAHA getting old aren’t I?
Thankfully I managed to preach without feeling nervous, mostly speaking in impromptu, eventually the notes I’ve written an hour before going up remained untouched. This is so me to be honest, I always felt nervous and incapable before going up stage, but I don’t feel any stage frights after I went up on stage, I enjoyed every bit of it. In the end, I ended having a sore throat on camp that speaking on stage became difficult, and I have to find replacement because I volunteered the next day (what happened to my stamina lol).
For the past few weeks before my SBMPTN announcement, my anxiety creeped back, it was really bad that I couldn’t sleep nor eat properly, and it got to the point where it drove me crazy, even when I was binge-watching Produce 101 late at night. The attacks always come in the most random of times, but it has quite calmed down now. As for the result for the announcement, I opened SIMAK UI’s result on camp, remember when I say I overslept? I ended up staying at the villa until its time for the selection’s announcement.
And yeah, I didn’t get in.
It hurt a lot at first, since frankly, I was rejected by UI 4 times. The rejection struck deeply, but now I am more accepting about it, I guess. My path is not there anymore, and being persistent about it won’t change anything. God has laid out another beautiful plan for me, I got into Public Relations major in UNPAD through SBMPTN. Well, I was happy, this was not what I originally intended, but deep down I have always known that I was going to get this. I don’t know why, my instincts keep telling me that. Should that His will be done. Besides, it such a shame that I wasted more than 1 million rupiahs trying to get into UI, when, well, what happened, happened. Just gotta move forward, right?
Now, I felt grateful because I know not a lot of people could get into PTN, the probability is like 14%, so I didn’t want to blame God or anything. Knowing me, I am a very indecisive person. I remember wanting to go study abroad and ended up choosing to take PTN instead because I want to help my parents. At least I have accomplished that. I did sacrifice a lot of things to ease their burdens, so I hope I could help them and make them proud this time. I have a big dream you know, plus I could always search for scholarships in my uni, Korean scholarships, to be exact, and I have to work hard to achieve that dream.
Regarding me moving to Bandung, I am actually very happy with this turnout of events. I know I have to leave a lot of things behind and start anew, but this is what’s the best for me. Because honestly, I prayed to God that I wanted to have a fresh beginning in life, while not having to worry about everything too much, and this is God’s answer for me. I moved out from home but still feels close to home (c’mon, Bandung isn’t even far okay) so I am very excited, but also super nervous. Lets just see how it went though, I am pretty sure I could survive the college life after 12 years of complicated school dramas. This is exactly what I needed right now. In order to grow, we have to take a big step sometimes. Take risks, challenges, test yourself, because believe me, we are more than able. I still get scared about a lot of things in life, but we have to move forward, being anxious over things won’t get you anywhere, it doesn’t solve your problems either, so I figured that it’s pointless and I should tackle the problem head down. Everything is going to be okay. It always is.
Another important life update is I have been getting obsessed with Produce 101 lately. Or K-Pop, in more general terms. I was so busy in high school that I kinda lost interest in K-Pop, but now that I am as free as a bird, I’ve been channeling my inner K-Pop vibes harder than ever. I get easily bored, so I wonder how could I survive loving K-Pop for 8 years, but I did anyway, so yeah, I could never part away. It’s like a black hole gurl.
I spent the early days of vacation to stan NCT (go watch NCT Live if you haven’t!!!!), when I told myself I wasn’t gonna stan anymore groups, too many for me, but indeed, I fell into the trap again. I’ve been loving NCT and GOT7, as well as yeah, my newest obsession, WANNA ONE. Seriously though I need to stop fangirling. I even opened up my twitter account again after like, 3/4 years? Better get use of that opportunity wisely. You guys should really watched Produce 101 btw. Now, I don’t really care if people called me weird with loving K-Pop, they gave me happiness and I never regretted loving it. Not even once. So, let me go back and spazz WANNA ONE (if you’re wondering, my bias is Kang Daniel at the moment, pls hope I am loyal because its hard stanning too many biases at once orz) on social medias.
I am doing all things that make me happy nowadays. To the point of having little to no sleep, there were times where I only slept for an hour then binging it every time I can, mostly in the car or taking long naps after my schedule is done (now I know how Idols must have been feeling, the mood-swings are seriously real, how could they function normally despite that will forever be the greatest mystery of all time). Likewise, I am planning to go to South Korea this year. That’s why I’ve been working hard to mastering my Korean knowledge and dieting (motivation at its best). I once told myself if I were to go abroad, the first stamp on my passport would be South Korea. I held true for that promise for years and I sincerely hope that it could finally be coming true 🙂
Lastly, I have a dream of working there. I know it’s not impossible and I know I can do it. I have been self-taught learning Korean and making use the most of holidays to do something productive so support me guys? I love you all and see you on my next blog post!